I’m back in Singapore, sooner than I thought I would be. This whole year has been much of a see-saw in terms of movement and organization. Having no set schedule or routine is one of the delights of living as we do, but weekly curve balls for the last four months are… phew… somewhat unanticipated.
It’s taken me eighteen years to come back with something akin to pleasure; all my life to call it “home.” I arrive in the middle of a jaw dropping scandal in the ruling family, catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in almost 10 years, and find myself unable to eat, a standard response to the equatorial heat which – sadly – never lasts more than a couple of days.
It’s four in the morning, I’m customarily unwilling to sleep. Quiet is precious here. The standard thoughts of this suspended time-place are full of reproach but none of it really matters. Things that consume in sunlit day are ghosts at this hour. The edge of my mind holds things that are suspiciously vital to answering the universe…. if only they would teeter in the right direction. Clockwork jetlag, but tomorrow is a fresh day.
Return is always a process of grieving.