Day 47 of 100, Hannover, Germany
I started writing this one almost 2 weeks ago, flashing by fields, towns, stations, borders, on our way from Denmark to Germany for the second time. Family calls, and the train journey soothes. Over the past week and a bit, I’ve been adding and adding to it, so it’s coming to you in parts.
Continued from yesterday. This is the last installment of The Path Forward posts.
It occurs to me that writing publicly about my doubts might not be the smartest thing on earth to do when I am looking for employment. Who doesn’t Google everyone these days?
But that is exactly the nature of this hundred day diary project, and why it started: to write it regardless. Responsibly, but to write it without flinching. Just over three years ago, my father died of cancer in its advanced stages. I wrote several posts about it, and then pretty much lost my ability to write anything at all. It was one of the symptoms of the odd grief that has followed me through these years, stemming from becoming hyper sensitized to words, spoken or written. It made me incredibly unsure of myself, and with that unbalancing came a massive failure to parse the meanings and intentions of others, losing grasp on my own convictions in the muddle.
It was confusing.
But the words feel like they are finally returning, and with them, maybe a gradual lifting of the fog that has followed me around for the last three years.
That’s not job related, like these posts have been so far, but it definitely feels like a way forward.